Every Ending Is A New Beginning

Updated: Dec 16, 2019

In the midst of being pulled away from Sunday ministry and serving in the church after several years, God was also speaking to me about focusing on ministry outside the four walls of a church building, prompting me for intercession for specific places/countries and preparing me for the assignment's on the brink of horizon.

I was standing at the tail-end of relationships (all the way) changing and rearranging my sleep patterns and He was still speaking on the same matters - even as I was not serving. By sleeping patterns I mean actually getting sleep (lol). Sidenote: Ya'll! have you tried sleep? My gosh does it do wonders to your brain functionality, mood and effectiveness. Like, you never know what you need until you've found it. ha. Some of us are missing out on being effective because we’re too caught up in the hustle. Ahem. Anyway.

And so as He did, I started to feel a deepened desire to stir up what God had called me to do and be in the church, to now be and do outside the typical four walls of a church building. I may get eyerolls for this but most of us are too busy exhausting ourselves trying to prove our anointing and our gifting to those who are already saved, rather than using that energy to ask God to use that anointing and gifting in uncommon places, unreached circle groups and beyond the people who can confirm what's in us. We become so engulfed in acceptance in the church rather than extending ourselves for those outside the church. But that's a whole different conversation for another day.

But what I love about seeing the light at the horizon, is being able to stand in reflection of the fight He fought and the battle God already won for you so you are forever winning.

Because let me rewind for a second: a year previous and a year after Table Talks launched, I had just got off the plane back to San Diego from Jamaica, when I was caught off guard by persecution (which is not the same as hatred by your enemies) and fighting pressure from excessive accusations. This should have been the season that took me out and left me out to dry thereafter. But the power in our YES GOD changes things and enables us to fight with the same weapons but differently. Not because of me but because God can do what He wills with my YES GOD. That actually became the very thing God used to show me His restoring and redemptive power, and also the true ripple effect of forgiveness.

And then I started seeing God change my circles and put me in spaces to see things differently. I started to see the lack of dialogue on real-life struggles and womanhood two years ago, and I began to start seeing myself in spaces that validated this revelation. I was in the middle of questions about the authority over a woman's hormones because let's be real... "the monthly" is real life. I started noticing the expectations of perfect relationships within the church, begin to crumble as betrayal is still a real thing. I was witnessing people question the dating world because every woman is told to wait like we're playing a game of hide-and-seek but he is not seeking. LOL. And seeing women try to understand healthy relationships and boundaries with men. In addition to all of those bold topics, there is a whole slew of other topics written in my journal I probably should refer to more.

And so it became very clear how very little talk there is about the real-life struggles of a woman, let alone a Christian woman in love with Jesus and in church. We show up with our walls up, our hearts guarded and our strong face on. Not intentionally to force people out but because we have been taught to. We have done this for so long. We have been strong for so long.

So when God said "create the trusted space" it didn't take long for me to say YES GOD.

In August of 2017 nine of us gathered in a super cute rustic-style cafe, in Downtown San Diego to kick off Table Talks San Diego.

The nine who gathered, were not friends from the same circles and in fact, not even the same church. We gathered around a farm style table on an outdoor patio, speaking up on our expectations of this space and eager to see what God would do with it here and what He would make of us while we gathered.

One Saturday a month we would gather - often times, in different places and a different set of women and still, each Talk was more amazing than we remembered the previous month to be.

But a couple months ago (fast forward to 2019), after nearly two years gathering, God started speaking about its conclusion. At first I dismissed it as a possible excuse to sleep in on Saturdays (because when you wake up before 4am throughout the week this is a legit thought). But He kept speaking.

So one Tuesday morning I made the announcement for the conclusion of San Diego Table Talks and we gathered one last time a few weeks later (May 2019). It was powerful as always. This time I got to dissect the pieces and take hindsight of all that was erupted, ignited, discovered, unearthed and healed over the course of 17-months. The relationships that have developed and the answered prayers a lot of us are currently standing in right now. Incredibly thankful that I got the chance to be a part of so many womens birthing, unearthing, healing + self-discovery as we confessed, encouraged + cheered each other on.

I learned that in the same as it was to discern previous seasons of disappointment aftermath, or the awakening process after healing or the stepping back to step out, was the same posture I had to remain in to understand what God was saying about this season of Table Talks in San Diego. And it was sad. So often times I have no idea what God is doing, I just know I cant afford to say no.

But He is so utterly good. I would have missed it, had I ignored His first prompting for conclusion. I never want to go before Him and He shows me all the things that could have been. I don't know if thats heaven's protocol but in the event that it is, I want to make sure that in my living and in my recapping, regret from missed assignments is not one of them.

The morning after the announcement of the final San Diego talk, I woke up earlier than my alarm clock to, “now take [it] wherever you go.”

And so I will.

And I am. I did.

Table Talks NYC (Brooklyn, NY) was planned and confirmed by the end of that same week: The location, the invite and the details. And the following week, God tugged on 20 women’s hearts to attend. And I was baffled. Like beyond amazed. Not surprised but in awe.

How do I get to do this with you, God?

Every ending is a new beginning.

I don't know if/when Table Talks San Diego will take place again but wherever He sets these feet to travel, will be a trusted place for women to gather for dialogue on some of the hard topics of life, the unspoken struggles of our hearts desires, and the discovery of hidden bits of gold that we have yet to discover just by speaking in encouraging spaces meant for more freedom and healing.

In the same breath, I have been trying to be intentional in my own private relationships and the friendships I have beyond large gatherings - from inner circle and beyond. My prayer is to be a friend to those in my life as The Holy Spirit is to me -- not that I would be their guide or source but to always be more like Him to every person God connects my dots with. May my relationships be evident trusted spaces that reflect what Table Talks is and is becoming in public spaces.

The process is continous, the prayer always fervent. I am so encouraged and so excited.


ps. TABLE TALKS has officially been added to my website. Be sure to check it out. www.LAURYNEWASAN.COM/TABLETALKS

"Table Talks is one of those things that when you hear about it,  maybe you’re first response is to shy away. But then you’re drawn to it, like a magnetic pull.

Deep down you feel like you need to attend and so you show up. I’m glad I showed up.

As we all started to share, I could literally feel the shift in the room of the Holy Spirits presence. We laughed together, we cried together, encouraged and educated each other and prayed for one another. Growth happened that morning, so did healing. I’m so glad I went and cannot wait until the next one. 

-Kimberly S // Table Talks NYC

Table Talks was exceptional. From the worship to the encouraging conversation it was a blessing to be apart of. Lauryne has such a heart for Christ. I’m so glad God is able to use her in such a mighty way. Table talks definitely opened up the door to healing. I hope Lauryne returns to New York for a Table Talks part two. "

- Melanie P. // Table Talks NYC

For more information or to host one in your area, please email "Table Talks" to writeme@laurynewasan.com

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