Updated: Mar 25
Everyone is different, every process is different and every need is different. This is my story and the profound transformation I experienced as a result of the powerful work of awareness, the audacity to "choose me," the bold move to address blind spots, and the power of hiring a Therapist and a Life Coach. This is not to discount any of the effective work both offer but to emphasize the difference. My hope is that after reading through, you will be able to be honest with yourself with some of the beautiful parts that need healing and make a better assessment of the the best help for YOU, so you can live the life you desire the way He intended for you. It is also my hope that you invest in your healing and growth in the same way you invest in big movements, your favorite show, a pedicure, running away and that special coffee run.
The awakening of 2020, shook the core of my inner-world that shed off what I carried longer than I needed to (that kicked off these lbs too) and rocked some of the greatest heart pieces together in alignment. I am still so in awe because it ignited a fire that is still burning, amidst the chaos that radically shook all of our worlds last year... and heck, is now shaking things together again.
I had a choice to let the world around me dictate my world I could take ownership of and decided to make a move. It was not an immediate one as I, too, felt crippled with the uncertainty of a two-week lock down and beyond. Like you, I, too, had a planner full of booked flight departures, BIG ASK PRAYERS like "okay, God I've seen you make the impossible, possible before and I want to see you do it again," to tentative GOLD + GLORY Life Coaching events I was so eager to launch per "20/20 vision."
Standing now in the third month of 2021 and looking back, several of those BIG ASK's were still miraculously answered and the plaguing disasters of 2020's aftermath, still yielded one of the best seasons of my life. Scratch that, one of the best years of all time and my most favorite so far. Every season/year is my favorite until the next one, to be honest haha.
I was already in Therapy (omg I absolutely love my Therapist) and I remember starting this process and being extra prayerful about where I was to invest. I remember "stumbling" on her 4-sentence bio and resonating so deeply with her. So I hired her and booked sessions without a goal in mind, or real evidence I could articulate with words to convey how badly I needed her. We sifted through childhood events, relationships and all of my emotions. She would tell me, "Lauryne every week there is something new and a new wall you break down. You come in through those doors and its like I see a fresh part of you." It was empowering because sometimes you don't see the work being done right away because our lens are different than everyone else's. But I still felt like something was missing.
And so I continued to sit with her. And we both began to see the power in our sessions.
In the brink of the first post-lock down, I was sifting through heartache, and a deep disappointment and confusion. The kind where you are leading, both, deep conversations with yourself to pull it together and combating the assumptions to try and make things make sense. It is insane how one person can pull things out of you because of their proximity and position. And if done healthily, without pointing fingers and quickly placing them in the "toxic" category, it can erupt power and healing if you let it. It is sometimes scary but if we can muster the courage to face it, like we do everything else, there is a freedom on the other side that is more rewarding than trying to protect ourselves and block what is really meant for us.
Like for real, I wonder how much more healing and growth would take place if we stopped being afraid of what may be uncovered and were excited to see depths of ourselves that would make us that much more amazing and more like Him.
But something different was ignited here because I was half-way through self-awareness and radically wanting to be different... to be better.
It was a relationship that opened my eyes to wanting different and seeing that cyclical toxic traits of previous relationships, was possible to break free from if I responded differently, both in word and action. whew. I will say, this was a different ending that played out completely different than the previous endings which allowed revelation, bravely holding the mirror to myself and wiping the lens with a different cloth to see differently (the lens still was foggy but clearer than the ones I wore with whats-his-name, if I can be honest).
It was this two-part revelation:
People may trigger us but it is my responsibility to address the trigger and heal. And people can pull things out of us that no one else can and that can be really frightening.
But the triggering and the pulling is for our good and it is for healing.
I learned how to function after failed relationships, hurt from degrading words, narratives I recited over and over again, and wounded by memories. By function, I mean, the facade I pulled off by pushing through and being strong to stay standing because it really fooled everyone, and I was one of them. But time does not heal all wounds and sometimes those coping mechanisms become the reality of our habits and the lie of "this is just how I have always been." I had no idea all of my defense mechanisms, patterns, cycles and coping mechanisms were the result of inner turmoil that could only be addressed by sitting down and doing the work, after being triggered and facing them instead of running. I didn't know what to call it but the evidence was clear enough to shake me at my core for addressing.
The theme of my life, in the last 15 years, was something like this: the sensitive girl who feels very deeply, over-gives wholly (wholly as in all of what I know was to be me at the time and overly gives because I emptied myself trying to prove my worth, ugh) but have been entirely afraid of hurt so in an effort to protect myself, I built walls that protected me but also kept love at a distance. I feared divorce so heavily, at one point in my life, I refused to believe marriage was for me and convinced myself love would be spontaneous dates, a life in a busy city built by success and I would be so fulfilled by the life I built. I resisted ever getting close to a man because "too close in proximity" meant you would know me well enough to decide to leave once you uncovered my brokenness but also masked this with, "I'll wait for the right one, even though I wont recognize it because I am not sure what a right man is."
whew. Therapy helped dig at the past, learn new strategies for relationships, and did exercises to navigate through my emotions.
At this point in time (back to the heart wrenching disappointment and breaking up with the fantasy of what could have been), I couldn't focus on anything long enough to be productive, I was hardly getting any sleep, was realizing I was dealing with anxiety and I knew this was a whole slew of trauma rearing its head beyond just this heartache. And I had enough; the point where you get to the end of yourself to surrender and are just absolutely sick of the same feeling and tired of trying to ignore it. That kind of end.
I was walking around thoughts as if the walls of Jericho but not getting breakthrough but feeling more broken.
"Why are you like this?"
"When no one validates you, do you know who you are at the core?"
"Why are words sometimes plaguing?"
"Why is being left your biggest fear?"
"If every title and task was stripped from you, would you still be aware of your worth and value?"
I realized I needed help, and so I asked for help and it helped me.
Therapy sessions were amazing but they were more like it sounds: therapeutic but I was now at a place I needed deeper. I needed a safe place for someone to call me out in love, and be lead by The Holy Spirit. There are plenty of Christian Therapists, let me be clear about that. But I needed someone to pick the pieces a part and ask me questions beyond ones that just solved the riddle of the "why this is so" and "this is where it comes from," and now point me to "how to move forward" and "what can be done in a realistic, practical ways today, right now." Something was missing that I knew needed to be found. Being that I am a Life Coach and this kind of stuff is the passion of my heart, I know the profundity of a Life Coach and have had several life-changing testimonies that was a result of Life Coaching sessions. So I picked up the phone to vent with a friend who I have built a very real, vulnerable and valued friendship with and told her I was serious about change and booked her for a session that afternoon.
The choice to be vulnerable and invest financially in sessions that could have probably been done just effectively in our safe-space friendship, was a conviction to also sow into a place that empowered someone else's purpose and a Kingdom business while also growing and getting the results I wanted. And that is very important to me.
This process and this kind of work is not easy.
It takes time.
It takes intentional effort.
It takes a commitment, one that requires you to recommit every day and stick to your word.
It takes a deep conviction to want to become better; an intentional pursuit to be more like God to grow and heal because you want to be the person He created you to be, to do all that He created you for.
We sat down, created goals and an action plan and proceeded accordingly and it has yielded some of the greatest discoveries that have been unlocking the mysteries of trauma, grief, behaviors and patterns, and habits and cycles that I couldn't "name it to tame it." And it has yielded freedom and deliverance in astounding ways.
I had carried so much mentally and emotionally, it showed up physically. A couple months after my sessions (for this specific thing) concluded, I noticed I had dropped 22lbs even though my workouts and eating habits had not changed for such a drastic difference. Since then, I have lost 50lbs and the healing continues. I am not insinuating that every weight gain scenario is the result of trauma or that thin people don't have trauma but I am saying we carry things differently and if we are honest with ourselves, the evidence is clear. And if it isn't, ask for help ;) (you knew I was going to say that, I know). Oh and yes, I opened myself up to love again. The discovery of that defense mechanism has been real profound and lead me to a door called grief that I had not processed fully.
Let me be clear: I cried. a lot. all the time. But I didn't fold.
I still cry, I still am on a continuous process of healing. And I will not fold.
Therapy and life coaching has helped me in powerful ways that have lead to a deeper appreciation for myself and a deep conviction of my worth and value. My identity is only found in God and I have found that sometimes, the harvest reveals weeds that need pulling. And so the pursuit to be whole in Him and more like Him, continues.... cheers to healing and growth!
So how can you vet your help by deciding whether to choose a Therapist or a Life a Coach, or both.
Until recently, Therapy has always been the place we seek help health and growth, it has become more common for people to hire a Life Coach.
The big difference is that therapy often focuses on mental health and emotional healing while life coaching focuses on setting and achieving goals.
Therapy is often ongoing, while life coaching is focused on the here and now, and the future.
Life Coaching empowers you to take action by asking powerful questions only YOU can answer
Life Coaching is goal-oriented, focused on being productive so that transformation can transpire. It is so that you can go, fly off and soar with the tools that were taught.
Therapy is rooted in the past and present; coaching focuses on the future. In therapy, you face the past in order to move forward
While Therapists have credentials you can make a choice from and life coaches have certifications, I would encourage you to choose someone who inspires you, someone who has been through and has overcome, and lives a life in alignment with your beliefs and theologies.
When to see a therapist
You see mental health symptoms like anxiety, depression, trauma, eating disorders and you want to heal from past hurts or trauma.
Support navigating emotions.
Struggle with interpersonal relationships and want to learn strategies to feel less impacted by others.
Experiencing relationship issues
Therapy allows you space to talk it out
Looks into the past to overcome deeply rooted issues and life events
When to see a life coach
You want to get ‘unstuck’ and need help through the process
You are grateful for the life you live but you need that extra motivation to piece your puzzle together.
You desire promotion, change or advancement in your career
You want to stop unhelpful habits and create healthy ones that cause forward movement
You hear the inner critic want to learn how to quiet that voice
You desire a life with purpose but are unsure where to start.
You feel confused about what is next or the next chapter and need guidance
You want to unleash the motivation to a big goal like running a marathon, starting a business, or lose weight
You want to be held accountable and seek supportive empowerment
You need a launching pad to jump off and soar
If you need help, there is help ready for you. And needing it does not make you weak, less confident, failing or worthless. It is actually the exact opposite -- it means you are brave, bold, courageous, growing, leveling up and powerful. It is a bold move.
If you are at a crossroads between, I love this life but what is my next move, or want to get unstuck and walk empowered through the process, I am available and excited for you! I am a Certified Life Coach that has walked through life experiencing victory and constant revelation to walk empowered and confidently.
I would love to help you walk through too. My life coaching sessions vary depending on the need with the same goal throughout: victory and onward. If we sit and find that it is a match, we can get started right away!
You can contact me here: firstname.lastname@example.org